


City of Stars

by alivingflop



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Heart Eyes Howell, M/M, dan's a mess lmao, extremely gay, honestly just generally wholesome, kinda angsty later on??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alivingflop/pseuds/alivingflop
Summary: When Dan Howell comes to terms with the fact that he's in love with his best friend Phil Lester, his life becomes a whirlwind of nervousness and heart eyes. But, will he ever tell the other boy how he feels?





	1. Chapter 1

It all started at the VidCon where he declared himself Phil trash #1 that he had known he’d fallen.

Truly, it had been a slow descent since the day they met, but he hadn’t plummeted until that day. It was like a mad rush, his heart sped up, and his throat almost closed. His cheeks turned a dark crimson red, and his mind was thrown into a whirlwind. Every day since then it had been like falling off of cloud nine every waking moment they spent together. Dan longed to be with Phil, he longed for the sense of security Phil gave him, the sense of home. 

Of course Dan thought of himself as mad for thinking this, who the hell falls in love with their best friend? That was something reserved for cliche movies, not this. 

It’d been almost two years and Dan still hadn’t told Phil. And he’s now currently sat on the couch, Phil beside him, like he always was. Dan’s laptop was slouched in its seat that was Dan’s thighs, the all too familiar glow of Tumblr illuminated on the screen. Dan’s eyes were elsewhere. He had trained himself to be able to stare at Phil without detection, and Dan did this constantly, almost always. He’d get sidetracked from whatever he was previously doing, be it answering an email or scrolling through aesthetic posts on Tumblr, he found himself getting continuously engrossed in Phil’s features. They were stunning; from his hollow cheekbones to his ebony hair. To Dan, looking at Phil was like playing piano. Sometimes he’d play something new, but most of the time he’d play the same things over and over again, and never get tired of it. 

“What do you want for dinner?” It took Dan a moment to register that Phil was talking to him, as he was so engrossed in his own thoughts. Phil’s voice was like liquid honey, it was a sound Dan would never ever get tired of hearing. He floundered.

“Oh, huh..?” The boy stuttered and shook himself out of his trance, eyes readjusting to Phil.

“What do you want for dinner?” Phil repeated his words, that little smile Dan loved beginning to grow on his face. His mind wandered for a few moments before it finally decided on something.

“Chinese..?” Dan answered hesitantly, his voice hitching a bit higher than he’d like it to. Christ, it was like 2009 all over again. Except, back then, it was because of excitement, not love. Boy, if ‘09 Dan could see himself now…

Phil nodded quickly, standing up and opening his phone, dialing the restaurant's number. Dan listened, half to the words, but the other half the sound of Phil’s voice again. Dan heard him say something about an order of sweet and sour chicken, as well as lo mein and egg rolls. 

Dan knew Phil would eventually figure out something was up with him—be it the constant staring or zoning out, he was bound to say something. The question of when, however, was something that Dan was always afraid of.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much if you read my previous chapter. I'm really sorry if these chapters are too short or really crappy, I'm trying my absolute best, and I'm trying to work on improving. I hope you've enjoyed it so far. Please leave a comment if you'd like, and enjoy!

“Is there something wrong?” Phil asked, just finishing up dinner. He threw his takeaway plate out, Dan following and doing the same. 

“No, no,” Dan began, “nothing’s wrong.” He chuckled, almost nervously, walking back out to the lounge. He was able to keep that laugh convincing enough, sitting down on the sofa beside Phil. 

“Have you edited the gaming video?” Phil asked, mindlessly clicking through channels on the television. Dan nodded, looking over at him and flickering his eyes over him a small bit. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Dan answered, craning his neck to the TV, a nature documentary on. ‘Typical Phil,’ he thought, almost laughing to himself. Phil loved watching the Planet Earth documentaries, and Dan loved watching those blue eyes glimmer like the ocean when they watched together. It was a sparkle of wonder, and Dan was happy to watch hours and hours of badgers mating if it meant those eyes would sparkle the whole time. 

Phil let out a soft laugh. “It was a good one,” he looked over at Dan, his mouth curled into a signature ‘Phil’ smile, “I hope everyone likes it.” Dan nodded in agreement, letting out his own smile. “Did you see Louise’s new video?” Dan asked, chuckling. “It’s hilarious, watch it later if you haven’t.” Phil nodded, yawning a small bit. 

“Tired?” Dan asked, tilting his head. Phil nodded, sitting up and stretching. “I might just finish editing my new video and lie down for a while,” he answered, chuckling. “Let me know if you need anything.”

 

 

 

Phil’s on top of him. On top of Dan. His hands are wandering, up Dan’s shirt and over his skin. Their lips are pressed together firmly. 

Dan is in heaven. A moan lolls out of his throat, and Phil’s kisses get deeper, more rough. His lips were like a drug, and Dan simply loved the high. Phil wedged his knee between Dan’s legs, grinding it gently. Dan pulled away from him, his breath hitching in his throat. The only noise in the room was his breathing, and the sound of Phil’s lips moving downward. He tilted his head back, Phil’s lips dancing across the boy’s jaw and down his neck. Phil sucked a small hickey on Dan’s skin, pulling away and lifting his shirt over Dan’s head. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” Phil commented, smiling widely and giggling. He held his hands on Dan’s chest, letting them wander. Dan blushed, but didn’t say a word. He let his hands do the talking, grabbing at the bottom of Phil’s shirt, lifting it slowly off of him. 

Phil was stunning. He was everything Dan thought he’d be. Soft, yet firm, and a thin trail of hair lead from his navel down. Dan thought he was absolutely gorgeous. 

Phil’s hands moved over Dan again, stopping at his jeans. He moved his fingers to Dan’s belt, unbuckling it and pulling it through the loops of his pants. He popped the button on Dan’s jeans, dragging them down slowly, pulling them off of his legs gently. He smiled cutely, parting Dan’s knees and letting his fingers walk up his thigh.

Phil pulled Dan’s hips flush to his own, wrapping Dan’s legs around his waist. Dan bit his lip, his cheeks a soft pink color. Phil’s hands began to move their way to Dan’s boxers, his fingers dipping into them. Phil leaned back down, his lips back on Dan’s neck, and—

He woke up. Dan’s eyes fluttered open, and he was awakened to the familiar surroundings of his bedroom. He let out a soft groan, sitting up and placing a hand on his forehead. His fringe was stuck to it from sweat, the ends curlier than they had already been. 

He made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and sitting on the seat. He needed a minute. 

After a few, he made his way back to his bedroom, sitting down on the sheets. He laid himself back down, shutting his eyes. He expected it to happen all over again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this too cliche? Oh well. I hope you all don't think it sucks! Also, I'm sorry if the chapters are really short, I tend to work better with short chapters, so I'm really sorry if you don't like it. Thank you so much for reading c:

The pitter-patter of rain woke Dan up that morning. The sky was a soft gray, and the clouds were crying. Dan always loved rainy days. He loved them not because they were dreary and miserable, because it meant he could spend the whole day inside, with his best friend, watching movies and playing Mario Kart. He longed for rainy days.

Phil was sat in the lounge, his hair unruly and his fingers cupping a NASA mug full of coffee. His glasses were balanced on the bridge of his nose, and Dan felt lucky that he had woken up before Phil had put his contacts in. 

“Morning,” Phil spoke, not quite awake yet. His voice was still riddled with sleep, and he tilted back the mug to take a sip. “Morning.” Dan answered, walking to the kitchen to get his own mug and join his friend for their morning ritual of coffee and anime.

He suddenly remembered the dream from the night before, and his heart sped up. 

He nearly spilled his coffee, barely managing to get it into the cup. He walked back out to the lounge, taking a seat beside Phil. “Attack on Titan season two?” He chuckled, managing to get a smile out of Phil. “It’s new, after all that waiting.” Phil retorted, nudging Dan with his knee. 

If he were honest, Dan had half watched the episode. He wasn’t staring at Phil like he was, but he was consumed by his own thoughts. He wanted to tell Phil. He had to tell Phil. Living like this was like torture. Pure hell.

It took Dan a while to accept himself for who he was. A part of him didn’t want to believe it, and the other part didn’t want to disappoint his family. He was terrified. He denied who he was, and lied in plain sight, to everyone. 

It took him three years to admit to himself that he was gay. 

After he admitted it, finally, he was able to become more genuine, not only to himself but his audience. He felt, happier. He decided, however, that he wouldn’t come out publicly, as he didn’t want anyone to have any assumptions with him and Phil. Coming out to Phil was much easier than he’d thought, and it ended in them getting pizza, so it was a win-win. 

As the episode ended, Phil laid back and let out a sigh. “Goddamned anime’s gonna be the end of me.” He laughed, turning his head and eliciting a laugh from Dan. “You said that with Yuri on Ice too!” Phil tilted his head back and laughed loudly, nodding. “Listen, you can’t tell me that those gay ice dancers didn’t ruin you, too. Don’t you lie to me, Dan.” He chuckled, lightly punching Dan in the arm playfully. 

After a few more hours of sitting and doing nothing, Phil found himself dozing off around noon. At first it was slow; his eyes would close but he easily snapped them back open and was able to stay awake. But after a while, he couldn’t fight it anymore. He eventually closed his eyes and let them stay closed, Dan oblivious to this whole process.

He was oblivious until Phil was out cold and leaned down on his shoulder. 

At first, Dan thought of it as a joke, subtly trying to brush him off. After a few seconds, though, it became obvious to him that Phil was actually asleep, and asleep on him. Dan’s heart was sporadic. ‘For God’s sake Dan, he’s just sleeping on you! Get a grip!’ He thought to himself, his eyes flickering down to the sleeping beauty on his shoulder.

He dared not move. He was quite happy with Phil on his shoulder, and he thought the way it made his heart dance in his chest was the most delicious thing he’d ever experienced. He never wanted the feeling to escape. He wanted the feeling to spill into when Phil woke up, into each and every day. 

He wanted to call Phil his.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all that have been reading! I've been absolutely loving reading all of your comments, thank you all so much. Enjoy!   
> Also: I will be posting a rather angsty one shot very soon, so please let me know if you'd like that!

After Phil had woken up, Dan quickly shrugged it off and said it was no big deal. What a lie. Dan cleared his throat. “I’m, I’m going to go edit the new gaming video,” he spoke, standing up and excusing himself to his bedroom, shutting his door, leaving a tiny crack. 

Phil began to wonder what the hell was wrong with him. Dan had been acting strangely the past few days, especially around him.

The first time Phil laid his eyes on Dan, he was smitten. 

It was 2009. Phil was 22, and Dan was barely 18, and he had completely fallen in love with the boy. As soon as he saw Dan’s almond brown eyes and the mop of amber hair, he knew he was in for it. For someone who was self described as not being able to keep a secret very well, he did a damn good job at keeping his mouth shut for nearly eight years. 

For Phil, it was different. He had known he was gay since he was 14. He didn’t even fight it, he didn’t think twice about it, he just knew. He felt blessed that his family supported him wholeheartedly—Martyn, whom he was afraid wouldn’t look at him the same, even went so far as to try to hook Phil up with a few of his friends.

For Phil, it was easy. He knew Dan was something, but he didn’t know what until Dan told him. Phil was expecting a confession of attraction as well, but, to his dismay, none came. He couldn’t force something that never was. So, he kept it in like a horny teenager and dreamed of his best friend nearly every night. He felt insane. 

But Phil didn’t freak out inside every time Dan did something mildly cute, or brushed up against his hand. He’d simply accepted the fact that Dan would only see him as a friend, as his unusual, bubbly best friend, and he was okay with that.

Then why did that fact not sit well with him? Why, even though Phil had accepted it, did every time he thought of it make his heart sink in his chest? Why did it make his stomach tie into knots? 

Because Phil had found someone who lit a match and started a fire inside his heart, and it could never die. However, the most painful, awful part was that he could never tell him. He couldn’t have Dan to call his own, but he at least had the privilege of being his best friend, and he couldn’t bring himself to ruin the bond they shared. 

Phil’s heart ached. He longed to be with the boy, almost considering wishing on a star at night like a child. He wanted to be the knight in shining armor in Dan’s movie. God, he was so in love it hurt. 

But unlike Dan, he tried to keep himself under control. 

Dan, on the other hand, when he finally admitted it to himself, cried. He wept, keeping himself quiet, and it felt like his heart was growing flowers. Flowers that could burst out of his chest and reveal his secret. 

He sat in his bed, staring blankly at the unedited video before snapping out of it. His fingers reached down to the trackpad and began to work their magic, his eyes flickering from the keyboard to the artificial glow of his laptop screen. He finally finished up editing, exiting out and shutting his laptop.

He laid back against his pillows, and stared up at the ceiling. 

This was driving him insane.


	5. Chapter 5

“Dan, sit down.” Was all it took for Dan’s heart to race and for his voice to cease working. “Something’s been weird with you lately,” Phil began, trying to sound as gentle as possible. “Is everything okay? You’ve been acting strange, especially around me.” Dan wanted to scream.

Instead, he closed his eyes and let out a sigh, calming himself down before the storm.

“I love you,” he muttered, but it was more than loud enough for Phil to hear. “I love you, but, you’re not mine.” It felt like butterflies had ripped through Dan’s chest, and his eyes began to well with tears. “I’ve finally met someone who rocks my world, and it hurts so badly to know that I’ll have to live my life never being with you.” He looked up at Phil, who was awestruck, and to Dan, it was a look of disappointment. 

“You’re not mine, and that’s okay, but the reason I’ve been acting strangely is because I’m so damn in love with you and—”

He was cut off by a kiss.

Phil’s eyes were shut tightly, his lips pressed to Dan’s gently. Dan’s body was rigid, and his eyes were still open. They finally melted shut after a few seconds, his fingers moving their way to Phil’s arms and creeping up to his cheeks. It was better than he’d ever imagined.

Phil was in heaven. He set his hands on Dan’s waist, pulling him onto his lap and wrapping Dan’s legs around his waist. Phil rested his hands finally at Dan’s sides, tilting his head into him. 

Dan pulled away after a few minutes, breathless, laying his head in the nook of Phil’s neck. Phil chuckled cutely. “I love you too,” he whispered, rubbing up Dan’s back. “Always have, always will.” He began to rock Dan back and forth gently, Dan simply staying limp in his arms.

He was happy like that. Dan was content, looking up at Phil admirably and smiling gently. It felt like home. It was home. Dan softly began to cry. “Dan..?” Phil looked down, Dan sobbing into his shirt, his tears dampening the fabric. Phil’s fingers rubbed over Dan’s back, his touch soft and comforting. He didn’t disturb him, he just let the boy cry. 

“Everyone talks about being in love and how good it feels, but no one ever talks about being in love with someone you don’t think loves you back.” Dan rolled his head to the side, his ear pressed to Phil’s chest. The steady beat of his heart comforted him, and Phil didn’t want to say a word. He was almost afraid to. “It hurt, every day hurt, I couldn’t think without ending up thinking of you,” he spoke in whispers. “And now, everything’s just so overwhelming—it’s like I’m eighteen and meeting you for the first time again.” At that, Phil’s heart sunk and he went cold. 

“I was nervous.” Phil responded stoically, his eyes transfixed on something distant. “My hands were shaking and I thought I was going to throw up.” His arms were wrapped tightly around Dan’s shoulders. “Then I saw you, and my life forever changed.” Tears trickled down Dan’s cheeks silently as he stared up at Phil’s blue eyes, which looked like the sky before lightning hit and rain poured. They flickered down within a moment. 

Phil sighed and pressed his forehead to Dan’s, shutting his eyes for a moment. “I-I love you,” Dan sputtered, Phil cracking a smile and kissing his cheek warmly. “I love you, too.”

 

The night was filled with the sounds of breathless love and skin on skin. So much that it made the moon blush. Dan’s neck was littered in light pink and purple marks, each like a delicate flower planted on his skin. Phil’s shoulders and down his back held Dan’s fingers, which were creating rosy tracks, dragging his hands across Phil’s spine. It was the constant creaking of the bed, the rocking of hips, and the desperate moans from both boys that made the night fall silent. 

It was a beautiful love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading the chapter! I've been debating whether or not writing a few more, so please let me know if you'd like more. Also: don't be afraid to send me requests in the comments! Let me know if you'd like me to write anything specific or if you have a prompt c:


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, sorry this took so long! Thank you all so much for sticking around and reading my little story, it means a lot. Also: this is a filler chapter, but it's still nice nonetheless. New chapters will be posted soon! Thanks so much.

Dan woke early in the morning, the sun had barely crept up from the horizon. He rose from the brightly colored duvet delicately, careful not to wake Phil in the process. He silently made a cup of coffee, standing by the window and watching the sun come up over the trees. 

The sky turned a sea of multicolored purples and pinks, with swirls of orange. The clouds practically dripped with color. The darkness of the apartment hid his nakedness perfectly, silhouetting him and darkening at his navel. 

Phil eventually caught on and realized he was in bed alone, standing and making his way to the living room quietly. He stood at the frame of the lounge entrance, folding his arms and admiring Dan standing by the window, flickering his eyes up and down his figure. He eventually sauntered over to Dan, running his cool fingers up his back, tracing over the curve in Dan’s spine.

“Good morning, love,” Phil whispered into his ear, wrapping his arms around Dan’s torso and pressing a warm kiss to his cheek. Phil’s voice was wet with early morning sultriness, and the way he whispered into Dan’s ear made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Dan smiled, turning his head to meet Phil’s gaze. “Didn’t want to wake you up,” he began, moving his fingers on top of Phil’s, slowly entwining them. “Don’t worry about it. Glad I woke up to the sunrise shimmering in your eyes.” Phil answered, smiling and kissing Dan’s shoulder. 

Dan simply stood there, at the window, naked, with Phil draped around him. He sipped his coffee, letting out a long sigh. “I’d like to let you know, that when I lost my virginity, it didn’t bare in comparison to last night.” He said, turning his head to look at Phil in the face. “Last night was so special, it was like I was losing my virginity all over again.” Phil closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Dan’s in response. 

“To me, last night was like forever. A good forever.” Phil started. “As soon as it started I never wanted it to end. It wasn’t even about the sex, it was about the intimacy, the rhythm, the fact that we’ve known each other so long and that was the most vulnerable we’ve ever been together.” Dan was nearly on the verge of tears, the colors shining through the window making his eyes look like melted milk chocolate. 

Their lips were suddenly pressed together, yet neither of them remembered initiating it. It simply just happened, like it was fate that decided they were going to kiss at that very moment. Dan’s hand made it’s way to Phil’s chest, his fingers curling against Phil’s skin. Phil softly tilted Dan’s jaw up, his fringe falling from his forehead and brushing against Dan’s cheek.

After the two pulled apart, it was silent. They both stared up at the quickly rising sun, the soft pigments of color bouncing off of their bodies and making their eyes look brighter. They were both warm in the morning sun, both of their cheeks beginning to flush a soft shade of rose. 

Or, perhaps, it was the closeness of each of them that made their cheeks feel like fire.


	7. Chapter 7

Weeks went by, and their love never faltered. More nights were spent turning winter into spring, to make up for the empty ones they spent lonely. They grew closer, somehow, as if connecting their bodies made them discover something new they didn’t know about each other. 

Dan woke up earlier each morning, sacrificing a few more moments of sleep to simply stare up at Phil before breaking loose of the boy’s grasp and tiptoeing to the kitchen. He made sure to make Phil coffee every morning, preparing it in a mug to be waiting for him when Phil finally woke. 

In the afternoons, they filmed videos, slowly becoming closer, pecking each other’s cheeks or lips every so often when they collaborated or filmed gaming videos, promptly saying “edit that bit out,” as soon as their lips disconnected. They had grown happier, and their audience noticed, nearly going erratic every time they brushed against one another or shared a longing gaze. It became harder and harder to conceal their relationship, and they told only the people they knew they could trust. 

They broke the news to Phil’s family first. His mum was thrilled, and spun around and told her husband that he owed her twenty pounds as soon as the words left Phil’s lips. Martyn was relieved, finally knowing his brother was happy, congratulating him continuously. There was no talk of “you better take care of my boy,” for Dan, as they all knew Dan was the absolute perfect match for Phil.

Dan’s family took it very well, however, there was a talking to for Phil. “Please, take care of my son,” Dan’s mum spoke gently to him, her eyes pleading and soft. “He deserves happiness. He truly loves you, please, just, don’t break his heart.” Dan’s father was more stern, explaining that if Phil would to ever cheat or hurt Dan in any way there would be consequences to pay. 

They told Louise first, to which she threw her arms around them both and almost cried. Later, Louise congratulated Dan in private, for she was the one he talked to when the lust and the longing for Phil grew too strong. She made him promise she could plan their wedding. 

The rest of their friends reacted very positively, a few “finally,” comments made here and there, but mostly congratulation and wishes of good luck for the future. 

 

The nights they weren’t busy doing what spring does with the cherry trees, they stood at the window, staring at the twinkling lights of London. They stood in just their boxer shorts, bodies pressed flushed together, simply enjoying one another’s presence. Phil sometimes sipped on a warm cup of coffee, his arm draped over Dan’s shoulders. Their eyes flickered over the city lights, the soft, twinkling glow of London at nighttime. The lights were like stars, their own little gallery of glittering, shining bright stars. A secret stargazing exhibit, for their eyes only. 

It was their own little city of stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who has stuck around with this little fic, I thank you. I truly believe this is such an average piece of fan fiction, very cliche and way too short, but so many people have stuck with it and I thank you all so much. Thank you for enjoying my writing and leaving feedback, I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. If you're interested, I have another chaptered fic called Princes Don't Marry Kitchen Boys if you'd like to read any more of my work. Thank you so much for reading. This has been City of Stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is my first fic and I would appreciate it if you'd comment! If you liked it, let me know if you'd like another chapter!


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